Consent first
What Is Consent? Ask Plainly, Hear a Clear Yes
Plain rules for asking and saying no, plus what the law says about condom removal.
Consent means agreeing by choice, with the freedom to say no. It has to be given each time, and you can withdraw it at any moment, even halfway through. Silence, going quiet or being too drunk to decide is not a yes. This guide is general information, not legal advice.
How do you ask, and what counts as a yes?
Do
- Ask in words while you are still chatting: ‘Are you up for this?’
- Say what you want, and what is off the table, before you meet.
- Check in as things change, and stop at a pause or a flinch.
Skip
- Treating a flirty chat, an earlier hook-up or turning up as a standing yes.
- Asking again and again until the answer changes.
- Taking a shrug or silence as a yes.
Drink and drugs. If either of you is too drunk or high to decide, stop. Scotland’s 2009 Act lists incapacity from ‘alcohol or any other substance’ as a case with no consent, and Irish law says much the same.
How do you say no, or change your mind halfway?
You never owe a reason.
Short is fine: ‘Not tonight.’ ‘I want to stop.’ ‘Slow down.’ Say it in the chat, at the door or halfway through, and the other person should stop at once.
In England and Wales, the Crown Prosecution Service says consent can be given on conditions, such as wearing a condom, and withdrawn at any time during sexual activity and each time activity occurs.
On Local Sex Meets you can block a member instantly and report a profile or message. The safety page lists the tools.
What does the law say about consent?
| Where | How the law puts it |
|---|---|
| England and Wales | Sexual Offences Act 2003, section 74: a person consents ‘if he agrees by choice, and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice’. Northern Ireland’s 2008 Order uses the same words. |
| Scotland | The Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009 asks for agreement that is freely given. |
| Ireland | Ireland’s Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Act 2017 added a definition to the 1990 rape law: a person consents if he or she ‘freely and voluntarily agrees to engage in that act’. |
| USA | It varies by state. FindLaw reports that California’s Penal Code asks for ‘positive cooperation in act or attitude’, and that dating someone is not enough to count as consent. |
Age is a separate rule: see the age of consent in the UK and Ireland. For a real case, ask a solicitor.
What is stealthing, and is it illegal?
Stealthing means taking off a condom during sex without the other person’s agreement.
- England and Wales
- Rape Crisis England & Wales says stealthing is rape under English and Welsh law, and Brook says it can be treated as rape. R v Lawrance (Court of Appeal, 23 July 2020) was about a man who lied that he had had a vasectomy; his convictions were quashed, and the court said ‘a lie about fertility is different from a lie about whether a condom is being worn during sex’.
- Scotland
- The Scottish Sentencing Council says it is not a term used in Scottish legislation but has been successfully prosecuted as rape under section 1 of the Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009.
- Northern Ireland
- A local news report in September 2023 (Armagh I) called a sentencing the first conviction in Northern Ireland of ‘stealth’ rape, and quoted a police detective superintendent: ‘Without consent, it is rape.’
- Ireland
- Ask a solicitor how Irish law treats condom removal. For support after a sexual assault, Rape Crisis Ireland answers on 1800 77 88 88.
- USA
- NPR reported in October 2021 that California made stealthing a civil offence, not a crime, so people can sue for damages. The Chronicle in Centralia said Washington State became the third state with such a law when its civil law took effect on 1 July 2024.
Is it illegal to share someone’s intimate photo?
In the UK and Ireland, yes, when the person has not agreed to it. England and Wales has section 66B of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, which came into force on 31 January 2024, and Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own offences. An Garda Síochána says that in Ireland, sharing or threatening to share an intimate image to cause harm carries up to 7 years in prison. The sexting tips guide has the rest.
Consent: your questions
What is consent in simple terms?
Agreeing by choice, with the freedom and capacity to decide, says the Sexual Offences Act 2003 for England and Wales. Irish law says ‘freely and voluntarily’. Either person can withdraw it at any point, even halfway through.
Is stealthing illegal?
It depends where you are. Rape Crisis England & Wales says it is rape under English and Welsh law, the Scottish Sentencing Council says it has been prosecuted as rape in Scotland, and NPR reported California treats it as a civil offence. In Ireland, ask a solicitor.
Can you take consent back halfway through?
Yes. The Crown Prosecution Service says consent can be withdrawn at any time during sexual activity, and Ireland’s 2017 Act says it may be withdrawn while the act is taking place. If someone says stop, stop.
Sources and dates
- Sexual Offences Act 2003, Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009, Sexual Offences (Northern Ireland) Order 2008 and the Irish Acts of 1990 and 2017 (revised texts), read in November 2026.
- Crown Prosecution Service, What is consent?; R v Lawrance (July 2020); Rape Crisis England & Wales; Brook (December 2025); Scottish Sentencing Council (April 2026); An Garda Síochána; Rape Crisis Ireland.
- Secondary: Armagh I (September 2023), NPR (October 2021), The Chronicle in Centralia (July 2024), FindLaw.
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